so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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