I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
