I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
