I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
