Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
