Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
