Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
