Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
