You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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