i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
