That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
