these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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