We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
