my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
