3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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