I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
