dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
