put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
