i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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