God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
