can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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