I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
