Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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