hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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