there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
