just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
