he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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