i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
