was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
