i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
