At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
