Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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