I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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