I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
