I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
