Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think my mom watched the whole time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
