you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
