Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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