Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
