can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
