I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
