He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
