Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
