we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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