i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
