we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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