OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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