I wish I could punch you in the face.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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