Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
