Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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