What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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