This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
