just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
