Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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