My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
smell my finger.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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