I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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