It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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