She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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