hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
