Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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