New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
