Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
