he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
