i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
