I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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