My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just had sex on a roof
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
