she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
