Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
